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<title>i spend my money on the regular miracles! by twelveam</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757995">i spend my money on the regular miracles!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelveam/pseuds/twelveam'>twelveam</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters: Sun &amp; Moon | Pokemon Sun &amp; Moon Versions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, POV Second Person, What Kind of Pokemon Are They? Well That's A Surprise Tool That Will Help Us Later!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:26:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelveam/pseuds/twelveam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>you are setting out on your journey to be a trainer (again). you thought you'd be happier about it but fate is a bewear with a baseball bat swinging wildly and you are the fool who keeps standing in its way and offering it your face.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i spend my money on the regular miracles!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>sometimes you just have to write the grimdark were-pokemon fanfic your child self would have died to read but add in the love for farming sims your adult self has developed. so now its like: fun eldritch beings! what are they doing? their best!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Come on," wheedles the businessman, leaning way too far into your personal space to be comfortable. "I don't bite."</p><p>Your hands are stuffed into the pockets of your hoodie, one hand already curled around a pokeball that is already heating up. You tap your fingers against it in plea. This is neither the time nor place for your eight foot bug pokemon to appear. You bite back the sudden urge to snarl in the man's face, show him the rows and rows of teeth you've got locked behind your mouth. </p><p>Instead you cough out a rough 'scuse me and shuffle off, breaking out into a sprint the moment you leave his sight. The pokeball in your hand rattles ominously and you relent, let Paprika out the minute you hit the gardens and reach the secluded greenery where there's more than enough space for him to stretch out. </p><p>He looks down at you from his lofty height of stupid-tall-even-for-a-scolipede-what-the-fuck-have-you-been-feeding-him and rumbles angrily.</p><p>"We cannot all be as big and scary as you are, sir. Please have some sympathy for the rest of us."</p><p>Paprika leans his big body against you and you think he wants a hug until you realize he is slowly smushing you into the ground. </p><p>"What did you want me to do," you wheeze. "Night Shade the guy?"</p><p><em>Poison!</em> says Paprika, with great enthusiasm. <em>Let him suffer! Die in pain!</em></p><p>"Do you want me to go to jail?" you manage to say, still crushed under his weight. "Because that's how you go to jail."</p><p><em>You could get out</em>, says Paprika dismissively. </p><p>"That's not the point!" you squeak. "Lemme up I'm dying!"</p><p>Paprika throws himself down on you like a champion wrestler and your ribs creak dangerously at the impact. </p><p><em>What are you gonna do about it</em>, he says smugly. </p><p>You show him exactly what you're gonna do about.</p><p>Shadows gather around you, deepening ominously. A low murmur of voices that are not yours rise in haunting chorus to the melody of your spine snapping from the top down as your body makes space for itself. The trees hide your glowing body from prying eyes. You look up at your partner pokemon from a much higher vantage point than before. He responds the way you'd expect anyone to when faced with your true form.</p><p>
  <em>Ha! I'm still taller than you!</em>
</p><p>You snap your teeth at him and he flops over, radiating complacency. <em>Go on</em>, he says with his eyes narrowed in anticipation and glee, <em>bite me if you dare</em>.</p><p>You don't bite him, obviously. He'd punt you into the sun if you did. Instead you flop down on his smooth belly and go right to sleep.</p><p>
  <em>Hey! Get up!</em>
</p><p>"Zzzzz," you say.</p><p>
  <em>Stop, that tickles! Ehehehe stop cmon! Enough - snrk !</em>
</p><p>You fake snore until Paprika is shaking with laughter, the vibrations of your voice rumbling straight through him in what you like to call laughter mode. If you weren't so large and scary, people might have marketed you as a massage chair. He's trapped under your bulk and you make sure you're not hurting him while listening to his high-pitched wheezy laughter. </p><p>He may be tall but you're just as heavy, if not heavier. </p><p>Victory is sweet and it's all yours.</p><p>Paprika's pleas for mercy finally touch your cold dead heart and you stop. Well, not really. It's just that fake snoring is more tiring than it looks. You tell him so and he tries to get his horns low enough to launch you straight into the sun. It's safe to say it doesn't really work because you go straight back to using him as a pillow.</p><p>Eventually, you move because you have to. Standing up, you shift small again and stretch, bones snapping back into place. </p><p>"Alright," you say. "Up. We have work to do today."</p><p><em>Ugh</em>.</p><p>"Ugh," you say in weary agreement.</p><p>But money is money and you are - as the kids say - super broke. So back to your part-time job you go.</p>
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